To start with, no, I'm not trying to make this cool by using a backstreet boys song as the title.
I finally got a job. My first interview with this hotel was random. I was so sure I didn't want to work for a hotel. I was so sure I wasn't qualified and experienced enough. But I still gave the interview because there was a certain amount of desperation involved. It had been so long since I had given an interview, it felt good to be heard, to be questioned and to give answers I was proud of. I was myself. I was satisfied with the way it went.
I didn't get a call from them for 2 weeks. So I kind of gave up on them. Then, one random morning, I got a call from J again. She asked me if I was still interested. And it was that split second decision I had to make. Do I really want it? Yes. But do I want to settle as a trainee? Not really? Should I take whatever I get? I've been home for 6 months now, it might not be the best time to act pricey. And then I made my split second decision. I said, I really don't want to be a trainee for another year. So I'd prefer a slightly higher position. It was a risk, but I took it. Somethings give you a good feeling, this was one of them. Next day, I went to the hotel with dad. Where dad's working currently. I looked at flower arrangements for the lobby, saw everything, met everyone, facebooked, acted like the boss's daughter. Then i got a call from J. She asked me if I could come over in 20 minutes. I said not possible. She said she'll call back. I prayed that she would. She called me back in half and hour, asking me to come over in 2 hours. I immediately rushed back home, got into some formals (the only pair of pants and the only shirt that I can fit into). And I reached. I went over some funny dialogues in my head. I felt confident. As confident as I could be. I knew I was going to have my second interview with some important people. But I had no clue who. I knew one of them was the GM. That's all.
I know I haven't given too many interviews, including all interviews I gave in AIESEC. But this was officially the most kick ass interview ever. Like ever. EVER. I am in awe of the 2 people who took my interview, not just because they're cool, but because they are great interviewers. So they liked me, because yes, I am awesome. And I loved the idea. I suddenly had a job. I was offered the position of an Associate. The pay's good. Life got exciting again.
Now comes the incomplete part. I know this is weird. But I've been looking for the perfect job for so long. And I finally found one! My uniform is a red dress, with stockings! I actually have a job! Where I am being productive. They really liked me! But i still have this feeling of being incomplete. I have this hole in my heart. This gap which my job couldn't fill, although this job is everything I wanted and needed at this point of time in my life. I don't know if it's normal. I don't know if it's a phase. I don't know when I'll get over it. I'm not even interested in being hit on. God, am I turning asexual like Daru? Maybe. I've been overdozing. On everything I can lay my hands on. Even Thoughtcatalog articles! I just can't get off that website. I used to sit on websites like iwasteesomuchtime.com...that really was my peak of joblessness. And depression maybe. For the last 2 months, while I drive to the gym every day, I listen to sad, depressing music. I can't get myself out of that routine. Even today, while driving back from work, I heard some song and I burst out crying. I've never been like that. That's not me. I was single for 21 years of my life, but I never felt this lonely. I can relate to 80% of those depressing thought catalog articles! I randomly call up my best friends and cry. But it doesn't make anything better. Because it isn't getting better. And might not ever get better.
Sometimes I feel, I should just end up focusing on my career, and be this corporate bitch in the next ten years, with a Porsche. But then, there are days when I think, how long will I be happy that way? Till when will I buy myself happiness? What will happen when the day comes that I can't even buy myself happiness? And that's why I feel incomplete. And I don't need random guys hitting on me to make me feel better. I'd rather stuff a sock in their mouth.
I finally got a job. My first interview with this hotel was random. I was so sure I didn't want to work for a hotel. I was so sure I wasn't qualified and experienced enough. But I still gave the interview because there was a certain amount of desperation involved. It had been so long since I had given an interview, it felt good to be heard, to be questioned and to give answers I was proud of. I was myself. I was satisfied with the way it went.
I didn't get a call from them for 2 weeks. So I kind of gave up on them. Then, one random morning, I got a call from J again. She asked me if I was still interested. And it was that split second decision I had to make. Do I really want it? Yes. But do I want to settle as a trainee? Not really? Should I take whatever I get? I've been home for 6 months now, it might not be the best time to act pricey. And then I made my split second decision. I said, I really don't want to be a trainee for another year. So I'd prefer a slightly higher position. It was a risk, but I took it. Somethings give you a good feeling, this was one of them. Next day, I went to the hotel with dad. Where dad's working currently. I looked at flower arrangements for the lobby, saw everything, met everyone, facebooked, acted like the boss's daughter. Then i got a call from J. She asked me if I could come over in 20 minutes. I said not possible. She said she'll call back. I prayed that she would. She called me back in half and hour, asking me to come over in 2 hours. I immediately rushed back home, got into some formals (the only pair of pants and the only shirt that I can fit into). And I reached. I went over some funny dialogues in my head. I felt confident. As confident as I could be. I knew I was going to have my second interview with some important people. But I had no clue who. I knew one of them was the GM. That's all.
I know I haven't given too many interviews, including all interviews I gave in AIESEC. But this was officially the most kick ass interview ever. Like ever. EVER. I am in awe of the 2 people who took my interview, not just because they're cool, but because they are great interviewers. So they liked me, because yes, I am awesome. And I loved the idea. I suddenly had a job. I was offered the position of an Associate. The pay's good. Life got exciting again.
Now comes the incomplete part. I know this is weird. But I've been looking for the perfect job for so long. And I finally found one! My uniform is a red dress, with stockings! I actually have a job! Where I am being productive. They really liked me! But i still have this feeling of being incomplete. I have this hole in my heart. This gap which my job couldn't fill, although this job is everything I wanted and needed at this point of time in my life. I don't know if it's normal. I don't know if it's a phase. I don't know when I'll get over it. I'm not even interested in being hit on. God, am I turning asexual like Daru? Maybe. I've been overdozing. On everything I can lay my hands on. Even Thoughtcatalog articles! I just can't get off that website. I used to sit on websites like iwasteesomuchtime.com...that really was my peak of joblessness. And depression maybe. For the last 2 months, while I drive to the gym every day, I listen to sad, depressing music. I can't get myself out of that routine. Even today, while driving back from work, I heard some song and I burst out crying. I've never been like that. That's not me. I was single for 21 years of my life, but I never felt this lonely. I can relate to 80% of those depressing thought catalog articles! I randomly call up my best friends and cry. But it doesn't make anything better. Because it isn't getting better. And might not ever get better.
Sometimes I feel, I should just end up focusing on my career, and be this corporate bitch in the next ten years, with a Porsche. But then, there are days when I think, how long will I be happy that way? Till when will I buy myself happiness? What will happen when the day comes that I can't even buy myself happiness? And that's why I feel incomplete. And I don't need random guys hitting on me to make me feel better. I'd rather stuff a sock in their mouth.
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